What they and them mean
The pronouns they and them refer to one or more people previously mentioned or easily identified. Historically used for plural subjects, they are now widely accepted as singular pronouns for individuals whose gender is unknown, nonbinary, transgender, or not exclusively he or she. In everyday English, they serves as the subject form and them as the object form, parallel to he/him and she/her.
Using they and them for a singular person signals respect for that individual’s gender identity or simply avoids assumptions when gender is irrelevant. This guide explains grammatical rules, offers inclusive alternatives, and answers common questions with current, practical guidance.
Key definitions and grammatical roles
In English grammar, pronouns replace nouns and must agree in number, case, and gender when clarity requires. They functions as a third-person plural or singular subject pronoun; them as the corresponding object pronoun. These pronouns appear in subject position, object position, and in possessive forms such as their and theirs.
- Subject case: They are ready; they will join us.
- Object case: The gift is for them; I saw them yesterday.
- Possessive: Their idea; that idea is theirs.
Modern style guides and dictionaries recognize singular they as standard, supporting both inclusive writing and natural language evolution.
Everyday usage in spoken and written English
Speakers and writers use they and them in professional, academic, and personal contexts when gender is unspecified or when respecting a person’s pronouns matters. In speech, plural and singular uses often sound identical, while written English relies on context to signal whether the reference is plural or singular.
Examples of inclusive usage include:
- Each participant can submit their questions before they leave the session.
- If a patient arrives, ask them for ID and confirm their appointment time.
- A colleague may say, ‘Sam uses they and them,’ and you would write, ‘Sam submitted their report; I spoke with them earlier.’
When in doubt, repeat the noun or rephrase for clarity without changing meaning or tone.
Why they and them matter for inclusivity
Using the pronouns a person asks for—including they and them—is a basic matter of respect and accuracy. Many nonbinary, genderqueer, and transgender individuals use singular they, while others prefer different pronouns. Correct pronoun use reduces misgendering, supports psychological well-being, and signals inclusion in workplaces, schools, healthcare, and public communication.
Organizations increasingly adopt inclusive language policies, and style guides from major publishers and institutions endorse singular they. Recognizing and using they and them appropriately reflects both linguistic accuracy and social awareness.
Common questions and practical tips
Speakers new to singular they often ask whether it is grammatically correct, how to avoid awkward repetition, and what to do if they make a mistake. English has long used plural they to refer to singular antecedents when gender is unknown, and contemporary usage extends that naturally to known individuals.
Practical tips include:
- Listen for the pronouns a person uses and mirror them.
- In writing, use plural antecedents when possible to simplify agreement (e.g., ‘All employees should submit their reports’).
- If unsure, politely ask for preferred pronouns and model correct usage in conversation.
- Apologize briefly if you misgender someone, correct it, and move forward without drawing attention.
Style, authority, and reference guidance
Major dictionaries and style authorities now recognize singular they as established, standard English. Guidance continues to evolve, but current best practice affirms that they and them are appropriate in both formal and informal contexts when used to refer to individuals who use those pronouns or when gender is irrelevant.
Clear policies, consistent modeling, and respectful communication help writers and speakers apply these pronouns accurately over time.
Practical quick guide at a glance
| Item | Guideline | Context |
|---|---|---|
| Subject pronoun | Use they (singular or plural) | They is speaking, they lead the meeting |
| Object pronoun | Use them | I sent the email to them; talk to them |
| Possessive adjective | Use their | Their report, their team |
| Possessive pronoun | Use theirs | The report is theirs |
| Formal writing tip | Match antecedents when possible or rephrase for clarity | Each employee should submit their form |